Posts about posts, Part V

In 2007, 2008 and 2009, I posted collections of posts I made to a message board I visit frequently. This is the fifth collection of these posts.

On that message board, new threads crowd out old ones, old in this case meaning oldest last update. Threads can persist for a long time, however, if they are posted to frequently enough so that they stay comfortably away from the bottom of the list.

I help to keep some of the threads going, by posting to them when it seems that a new post might be needed. On threads about writing or poems, I have sometimes posted poems. Most of these poems refer to posts or posting in some manner, and most of them are short, sometimes very short, though a few are fairly long.

As originally posted they did not have titles, but I have given them titles here. The times shown are in Arizona time (MST), not the time on the message board, which uses Eastern time.


TIME TO WRITE (2)
5:13 AM 12/4/2007

Time to write
If you might



UP WE GO
1:22 AM 1/13/2008

Up we go
Enjoy the show
And if you like it a lot
Post what you've got



HERE I GO
6:56 AM 1/31/2008

Here I go,
Once again,
If this thread is saved,
We all win.



IT MIGHT BE TIME
4:10 AM 4/8/2008

It might be time
To write a post
To prevent a thread
From becoming lost

So a post I write
And place it here
So that this thread
Is not a loss to bear

Threads go by
Some stay, some go
Will this one stay
In time we'll know

Threads go by
And disappear
This stays for now
Please keep it here

The Turkey and the Lizard

This is another story that I did for a message board for a thread that was normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. At that time people were taking turns writing short stories containing a short list of words given by another user. The story is changed slightly here in that it is broken up into several paragraphs instead of being contained in just one.

This story was one of several that I did for my post 989 on that message board. The other stories were separate from this one, with their own lists of words. Along with containing the words from the list, this particular story was supposed to have a Thanksgiving theme. The list of words for this story: psychic, rocks, carnival, lizard, tofu

This story is dated 5:04 AM, November 29, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE TURKEY AND THE LIZARD

The turkey was worried. Things weren't the same around the farm. Too much of a carnival atmosphere. First the carving of horrible faces into the pumpkins (what could THAT mean?), then the dressing up in strange costumes. What could be next?

The turkey decided to consult a wise lizard that lived on the top of a tall mountain. The lizard was said to be psychic, and could foresee the future. So the turkey climbed the tall mountain, which in reality was a pile of rocks perhaps seven or eight feet high (well, it was tall to the lizard).

Arriving at the top, the turkey bowed down before the lizard and gave him an offering. The lizard stared at it. "Tofu? You brought me tofu?"

The turkey said, "Well, they don't really like to have me in the kitchen (or the house, for that matter), so I snuck in the kitchen and grabbed the first thing I could. Sorry."

The lizard stared at the tofu some more and finally broke off a piece and nibbled at it distractedly. "Well, what is it you want then?"

Hearing the words, the turkey, who had looked as if he might like to hide under one of the rocks, brightened up somewhat and explained the situation.

Finishing the story, the turkey said, "And so I would like to know something of the future, and of what may be my fate."

The lizard stared at the turkey for a long time and finally said, "I foresee a great giving of thanks."

Greatly relieved, the turkey profusely thanked the lizard and then made its way back down the mountain (well, sort of mountain).

Watching the turkey go, the lizard took another bite of tofu and mused to himself, "Perhaps I should have said 'a great Thanksgiving.'"

Toasting Them All

This is another story that I did for a message board for a thread that was normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. At that time people were taking turns writing short stories containing a short list of words given by another user. The story is changed slightly here in that it is broken up into two paragraphs instead of being contained in just one.

This story was one of several that I did for my post 989 on that message board. The other stories were separate from this one, with their own lists of words. The list of words for this story: rotation, mai tai, hooker, everglades, cheerful

This story is dated 5:04 AM, November 29, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


TOASTING THEM ALL

He raised the mai tai and toasted the bar, the hooker, the everglades, and the whole state of Florida. He then toasted them all again and began weeping.

His friends looked at each other uncertainly, and one put his finger by his head and moved the finger in a slow rotation. The other friend said "You may be right. He was a lot more cheerful, though, before we started watching 'CSI: Miami.' Let's see if we can find something else."

Sick in the South Seas

This is a story that I did for a message board, on a thread normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. They were at that time doing exercises where a user gave a short list of words and other users then wrote a story containing those words. The story is changed slightly here in that it is broken up into several paragraphs instead of being contained in just one.

This is another of my stories from my post number 1000 for that message board. The list of words for this story: parrot, appendicitis, monsoon, implant, crater.

This story is dated 9:23 PM, December 1, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


SICK IN THE SOUTH SEAS

A south sea island is a bad place to get sick. Doctors can be hard to find when you need one. Especially if you really, really need one. My stomach was really hurting by the time I found him. He looked a little questionable, but by that time I felt I had no choice.

He told me to sit on the table, which I did. He poked at my stomach for awhile while I gritted my teeth and tried to break holes in the table with my fingers.

He finally said that I had appendicitis, but that I was in luck. He had some new treatment for it that he had invented himself. It was some device that he would put in my abdomen, plus some mysterious injections of some kind. Everything would be taken care of, he said, without the need for major surgery.

He began to gather his instruments, his needles, mysterious vials of liquid, and the device he was going to implant. His parrot, on a nearby table, looked at me intently. Too intently.

The doctor brought everything over and began to work. I wished he'd given me some anesthesia, but that didn't seem to be part of his mysterious injections.

Finally, he was done and stepped back. Way back. "We should know shortly," he said, "if it's going to work." If it's going to work?

Suddenly, my appendix exploded, leaving a huge crater. Blood and gore rained down all over, like some nightmarish monsoon.

The doctor stood there, covered in blood, tears streaming silently down his face. Finally he spoke, murmuring, "It worked, it worked."

The parrot hopped over and peered into the gaping wound, then stuck in a claw and said, "Does it hurt here?"

Yet more posts about posts

In 2007 and 2008, I posted collections of posts I made to a message board I visit frequently. This is the fourth collection of these posts.

On that message board, new threads crowd out old ones, old in this case meaning oldest last update. Threads can persist for a long time, however, if they are posted to frequently enough so that they stay comfortably away from the bottom of the list.

I help to keep some of the threads going, by posting to them when it seems that a new post might be needed. On threads about writing or poems, I have sometimes posted poems. Most of these poems refer to posts or posting in some manner, and most of them are short, sometimes very short, though a few are fairly long.

As originally posted they did not have titles, but I have given them titles here. The times shown are in Arizona time (MST), not the time on the message board, which uses Eastern time.


PLACE YOUR POEM
2:33 PM 3/25/2007

Place your poem
Within this place
So this thread
Won't be erased



POST YOUR POEMS
3:15 PM 5/15/2007

Post your poems
So that we may know 'ems



GIVE ME SOME WORDS
1:30 PM 9/6/2007

Give me some words
Sane or absurds
Short or long
Story or song
Prose or rhyme
Now's the time



A POST TO FILL
3:15 AM 9/22/2007

I write this down,
A post to fill,
So this thread
Won't be nil.



NOW'S THE TIME
3:35 AM 12/4/2007

Now's the time
To make a post
Whether it be
Least or most



A LITTLE NUDGE
3:36 PM 2/20/2008

There are days
When posts come fast
But those days
Don't seem to last

And so I give
A little nudge
To this thread
To make it budge

Other posts
Are welcome, too
Perhaps a post
will come from you

Make a post
If you can
And give this thread
A helping hand

The Wombat and the Pudding

This is a story that I did for a message board, on a thread normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. They were at that time doing exercises where a user gave a short list of words and other users then wrote a story containing those words.

This is another of my stories from my post number 1000 for that message board. The list of words for this story: prickly, pudding, marbles, wombat, braids.

This story is dated 9:23 PM, December 1, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE WOMBAT AND THE PUDDING

The wombat, missing a few marbles, made braids out of the pudding and put the result on its head. "Blame it on the prickly heat, that's what I say," it exclaimed.

The New Product

This is a story that I did for a message board, on a thread normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. They were at that time doing exercises where someone gave a short list of words and the others each wrote a story containing those words. Then someone else would supply a list of words and the process would start all over again.

The story is changed slightly here in that it is broken up into three paragraphs instead of being contained in just one.

This is another of my stories from my post number 1000 for that message board. The other stories were separate from this one, with their own lists of words. The list of words for this story: firm, salability, highroad, echo, vanish.

This story is dated 9:23 PM, December 1, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE NEW PRODUCT

He had tried to take the highroad, convinced in the salability of his product. His commitment to it was firm.

All he heard, though, was the sound of his own voice, and the echo of it around him, fading slowly in the distance. And thus, hearing no opposition (or, perhaps, refusing to hear it), he remained convinced that he was on the right track.

Alas, his new stain remover removed the cloth as well, and his dreams, like the stains, would soon vanish.

The Briefcase

This is a story that I did for a message board, on a thread normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. They were at that time doing exercises where a user gave a short list of words and other users then wrote a story containing those words. The story is changed slightly here in that it is broken up into two paragraphs instead of being contained in just one. Unlike most of the other stories I did, this one is more of a fragment of a story than a complete story.

This is another of my stories from my post number 1000 for that message board. The list of words for this story: forest, briefcase, window, evaporate, sneer.

This story is dated 9:23 PM, December 1, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE BRIEFCASE

"Look for yourself," I said, and opened the briefcase.

He looked into the briefcase, and saw the window that led into the forest. His sneer slowly began to evaporate.

The Horrendous Halibut

This is a story that I did for a message board, on a thread normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. They were at that time doing exercises where a user gave a short list of words and other users then wrote a story containing those words.

This is another of my stories from my post number 1000 for that message board. The list of words for this story: halo, halibut, horrendous, hanky, helium.

This story is dated 9:23 PM, December 1, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE HORRENDOUS HALIBUT

A horrendous halibut wearing a halo stole my hanky while I was high on helium. I think.

The Wombat on the Trellis

This is another story that I did for a message board for a thread that was normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. At that time people were taking turns writing short stories containing a short list of words given by another user. The story is changed slightly here in that it is broken up into three paragraphs instead of being contained in just one.

This story was one of several that I did for my post 989 on that message board. The other stories were separate from this one, with their own lists of words. The list of words for this story: wombat, trellis, electricity, cobalt, stink

This story is dated 5:04 AM, November 29, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE WOMBAT ON THE TRELLIS

A wombat climbed a trellis and was silhouetted against a cobalt blue sky. A tourist, watching the scene, raised his camera to take a picture.

Suddenly, there was a blinding flash and an incredible crash of thunder. The wombat clung to the charred trellis, its eyes big and its fur smoking slightly. The air had a stink of ozone, and fingers of electricity ran everywhere.

Murmuring to itself the wombat said, "Wow. I didn't know cameras still used such large flashes."

The Hyena Sets a Trap

This is another story that I did for a message board for a thread that was normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. At that time people were taking turns writing short stories containing a short list of words given by another user. The story is changed slightly here in that it is broken up into two paragraphs instead of being contained in just one.

This story was one of several that I did for my post 989 on that message board. The other stories were separate from this one, with their own lists of words. The list of words for this story: avalanche, dust, guppies, hyena, banana

This story is dated 5:04 AM, November 29, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE HYENA SETS A TRAP

The hyena carefully placed the banana in position, and was covering the string with a layer of dust when he was buried in an avalanche of small fishes.

A man carrying a clipboard came up and said, "Delivery of guppies from ACME Corp. for Wile E. Hyena, sign here."

The Knight and his Knickers

This is a story that I did for a message board, on a thread normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. They were at that time doing exercises where a user gave a short list of words and other users then wrote a story containing those words. The story is changed slightly here in that it is broken up into several paragraphs instead of being contained in just one, and has undergone some slight editing.

This is another of my stories from my post number 1000 for that message board, one of a group included in that post. The list of words for this story: kiwi, knight, key, kite, knickers.

This story is dated 9:23 PM, December 1, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE KNIGHT AND HIS KNICKERS

The knight had finally found the key to his knickers, when he got caught up in the string from a kite and carried high in the air.

He was carried into a storm cloud, where a bolt of lightning hit him, dislodging him from the string. His glowing form fell to Earth, leaving a trail of smoke in the air.

He landed on top of a cage containing a shipment of kiwi birds, bounced off, hit a haystack, and then rolled for several feet before finally stopping. He lay there for a while, his armor slowly losing its glow and cooling off.

Finally, he sat up and took the key, which he had saved through the lightning strike and everything, and prepared to use it but then stopped in frustration.

"Drat the luck," he said, "my knickers are welded shut."

The Damsel and the Dandelion

This is a story that I did for a message board, on a thread normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. They were at that time doing exercises where a user gave a short list of words and other users then wrote a story containing those words.

This is another of my stories from my post number 1000 for that message board. The list of words for this story: dandelion, damsel, dart, delicious, deposit.

This story is dated 9:23 PM, December 1, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE DAMSEL AND THE DANDELION

A delicious damsel, rushing to the bank to make a deposit, was about to dart across the street when she stopped and picked a dandelion, and that made all the difference.

The Cyclops and the Hockey Match

This is another story that I did for a message board for a thread that was normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. At that time people were taking turns writing short stories containing a short list of words given by another user. The story is changed slightly here in that it is broken up into two paragraphs instead of being contained in just one.

This story was one of two that I did for my post 997 on that message board. The other story was separate from this one, with its own list of words. The list of words for this story: cyclops, hockey, panties, mesa, grudge

This story is dated 3:44 PM, December 1, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE CYCLOPS AND THE HOCKEY MATCH

One day while playing hockey, the cyclops fell off his mesa and tore his panties when he landed. They were his favorite panties, too. Not being one to carry a grudge, he only destroyed part of the mesa, coincidentally the part that held the opposing team. The match was canceled, the newspapers said, because of an act of God.

The cyclops knew better, but he was busy trying to find some new panties.

Still more posts about posts

Last March and in the summer of 2007 I posted collections of posts I made to a message board I visit frequently. This is the third collection of these posts.

On that message board, new threads crowd out old ones, old in this case meaning oldest last update. Threads can persist for a long time, however, if they are posted to frequently enough so that they stay comfortably away from the bottom of the list.

I help to keep some of the threads going, by posting to them when it seems that a new post might be needed. On threads about writing or poems, I have sometimes posted poems. Most of these poems refer to posts or posting in some manner, and most of them are short, sometimes very short, though a few are fairly long.

As originally posted they did not have titles, but I have given them titles here. The times shown are in Arizona time (MST), not the time on the message board, which uses Eastern time.


SHORTER THAN MOST?
6:31 PM 1/21/2007

This is a post
That's shorter than most

That's longer than some
With still more to come

But the ending is near
It is right here

.
.
.
.

I lied, I fear
The end's not here

Will it be found?
Is it deep underground?

Is it closer than that?
Is it under my hat?

Is it inside my head?
Is it still to be said?

Will it be seen
When placed on the screen?

Will others then post?
And not just almost?

And the thread will go on
But this post is done



HERE THERE BE POEMS
7:39 AM 8/28/2007

Here there be poems
Sparse and lush
Post yours now
And avoid the rush



WORDS GO DOWN
1:13 AM 3/12/2008

Words go down
The thread goes up
But as time does pass
It begins to drop

'Round and 'round
The circle goes
Keep it running
See that it grows

Add a post
A word or two
Whatever you have
Old or new

Place it here
Don't be too late
Threads can leave
When people wait



POEM OR PROSE
5:51 AM 4/18/2008

Poem or prose
Here it goes



I WROTE THIS LINE
3:16 PM 5/12/2008

I wrote this line
And this one too
I could write more
But this will do

Snakes! - the poem

I first wrote this poem as a post to a thread about humorous invented words and definitions, as a reply to someone who had written a much shorter poem about snakes. Her poem was a general response to posts about snakes, and had a line that could be taken as referencing an earlier post of mine involving Medusa, the mythical figure who had snakes on her head instead of hair. The general point of her poem, given in a humorous way, was that she did not like snakes, though she did not say the word anywhere, always saying "them" instead. At the time the thread was sometimes being used by people to post humorous take-offs on the "Snakes on a Plane" movie, so quite a few posts had snakes in them, though some had versions not involving snakes.

I later changed my poem slightly, in a version not part of that thread, making it have less of a specific response, making it a more general poem about someone not liking snakes. It fits in rather well in my family this way, as my father was chased by a snake long ago and my mother, when she was young, sometimes had the experience of a particular worker on the family farm showing her snakes he had killed while mowing the yard.

In the poem below, the line "Many other places where" originally said "Places have been listed where" in the version in the humor thread, and the line "Places I have not yet given" originally said "But other places were not given".

This final version of the poem is dated 12:11 PM, December 10, 2007. The version in the humor thread was dated 8:55 AM, May 24, 2007, and the Medusa post was dated 7:40 AM, May 23, 2007. All times are Arizona Mountain Standard Time (MST).


The Medusa post:

Snakes on a Brain

What happened when Medusa's "hair" became ingrown.


The final version of the poem:

SNAKES!

Should a snake always be inside its lair,
And not catch a person unaware?

Are there other places they can be,
Where you cannot, will not, see?

Many other places where,
You would not like to find them there?

Places I have not yet given,
Places where they could be livin'?

If one crawled swiftly up the lane,
Would it drive you quite insane?

If they came from out your pockets,
Would your eyes bulge from their sockets?

If one fell from trees into your hair,
Would it give you such a scare?

Would one in the sunshade in your car,
Really give you such a jar?

Would one found upon a pillow,
Make you let out quite a bellow?

So many places snakes might lurk,
Would they all drive you berserk?

Is there a place that I could say,
That would not make you run away?

Or would a snake found anywhere,
Be one more snake than you could bear?

The Pomeranian and the Crawfish

This is another story that I did for a message board for a thread that was normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. At that time people were taking turns writing short stories containing a short list of words given by another user. The list of words for this story: pomeranian, headress, sled, crawfish, creep

This story was part of a group I did for post number 989. I did another group for post number 1000, catching up on ones I missed. And as with post 1000, post 989 was the second time that number was reached, due to the board crash that cut several hundred from my post count but left the posts themselves unaffected.

This story is dated 5:04 AM, November 29, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE POMERANIAN AND THE CRAWFISH

The pomeranian rode his sled across the ice, his head held high. He wore a headdress of nobility and power, denoting his status.

As he turned a corner, a crawfish stuck out a claw and knocked him off the sled. He lay stunned, and the crawfish came toward him, creeping silently across the ice.

The crawfish looked down at the pomeranian's crumpled form, then reached down and took the headdress from him. Placing the headdress on its own head, it went away muttering, "I wondered where that went."

The Centipede with the Parasol

This is a story that I did for a message board, on a thread normally concerned with comically constructing new words and definitions. They were at that time doing exercises where a user gave a short list of words and other users then wrote a story containing those words. The list of words for this story: gum, prozac, parasol, centipede, tipee (spelled here as tepee).

This was my post number 1000 for that message board, but it was the second time I hit that number. The board software experienced problems a few times over the years and reduced some of the post counts of a lot of the users along with dropping some of the user data. The first time I only lost about 5 or so from my post count, but I didn't have very many posts at the time. Much later, another glitch removed a few hundred. The actual posts weren't affected.

This story is dated 9:23 PM, December 1, 2006, Arizona time (MST).


THE CENTIPEDE WITH THE PARASOL

The centipede came out of the tepee holding a parasol. It put a stick of gum in its mouth and chewed carefully, blew an enormous bubble, and then released it and let it sail into space. Putting another stick of gum in its mouth, it peered closely at me and said, "The Prozac didn't work, huh?"

Message Madness, or The Post That Wailed

The post in the poem is, of course, a message board post. I originally wrote this poem for a message board I frequently visit, for a thread for users' poems. The message board had recently, at the time, been going through some troubles, but this poem does not refer to any specific post by me or anyone else. Like most of my other poems, it did not originally have a title, but has since been given one. This poem is dated 12:59 AM, 7/20/2007, Arizona time (MST).


I shot a post into the air,
It fell to Earth and quivered there,
And gave a wild uncertain shout,
And madly madly ran about.

And hid within the debris field,
And cowardly refused to yield,
And let no others have their say,
And even kept the dogs at bay.

I let out one of many sighs,
As it watched back through narrowed eyes.
With its eyes so burning hot,
Watching me though I watched not.

I finally went upon my way,
Letting it decide to go or stay.
Left it lonely sitting there,
I could not say without a care.

I've heard it's still occasionally seen,
Among the debris it hides within.
I saw it there again today,
I guess some posts are just that way.

More posts about posts

Last summer I posted a collection of posts I made to a message board I visit frequently. This is another collection of those posts.

On that message board, new threads crowd out old ones, old in this case meaning oldest last update. Threads can persist for a long time, however, if they are posted to frequently enough so that they stay comfortably away from the bottom of the list.

I help to keep some of the threads going, by posting to them when it seems that a new post might be needed. On threads about writing or poems, I have sometimes posted poems. Most of these poems refer to posts or posting in some manner, and most of them are short, sometimes very short, though a few are fairly long.

This is another collection of some of the poems. They did not originally have titles, but I have given them titles here. The times shown are in Arizona time (MST), not the time on the message board, which uses Eastern time.


I LEAVE THIS POST
5:04 PM 6/10/2006

Around the world,
Across the way,
The sun has made,
Another day.

Within this time,
Within this place,
Within this now,
That we have made.

I leave this post,
For all to see,
Containing these...
My words for thee.



TOO LATE THE POST
12:54 PM 6/28/2006

Too late the post,
And like most,
This thread will disappear.

So do your part,
Straight from the heart,
And place your post right here.



I POSTED A POST
2:04 AM 10/6/2006

I posted a post
Worse than most
Better than some
Much better than none

The post revives
And brings new highs
And for a while
Might bring a smile

If this post won't do
Perhaps one from you
Would be the one
To get it done

And in this way
The thread might stay
And not be a ghost
For want of a post



IN THE RACE
6:55 PM 12/7/2006

I put this post
Upon this place
So that this thread
Stays in the race

So that it lives
Another day
And so more posts
Might find their way

Perhaps a post
From you will come
Posts are needed
As a race is run

Some threads win
And some must go
Let this thread stay
Let the words flow

As time moves on
Let this thread rise
And be a delight
To everyone's eyes

Let posters post
And viewers watch
And be inspired
And ideas hatch

So that this thread
Should never die
And in old age
Be forever spry

I put this post
Upon this place
Let your post come
Come join the race



TIME FOR MORE
12:19 PM 2/26/2007

Time for more
That's for sure
For thoughts in rhyme
Now's the time

Put them here
Have no fear
Do not stall
We welcome all



TIME TO WRITE
11:49 PM 3/22/2007

Heavy or light
Time to write



PUT DOWN A WORD
1:40 AM 8/3/2007

Put down a word
Put down a line
Make a story
Or make a rhyme

Something you know
Or something you feel
Or somewhere you've been
Whether dream or real

Write it here
Don't wait too long
Without new posts
This thread is gone

Write a word
A line, a song
Do your part
Keep this thread young



JUST STOPPING BY
12:38 PM 8/14/2007

Just stopping by
To bring this thread high
To say hello
And make it grow

And as everyone knows
Up it goes
From down below
To the top of the row

I bumped this thread
To keep it fed
And make it high
While stopping by