Monday, August 20, 2007

Dream - Through the doorway

In the last few months of 2005, and continuing into 2006, I had some dreams about my mother's mother, my grandmother, who has been dead for over 20 years.

In one of the dreams, which occurred in October or November of 2005, I was in a house that was similar in some ways to the one that was on my grandmother's second farm, on the highway three miles from town in rural Missouri. (The first farm was much more isolated.) She moved from the second farm to a house in Arizona (to be near us) almost 40 years ago.

In the dream, I was going through a series of rooms on one side of the house. It was sometime during the day. I was looking at things on little shelves, mostly little glass figurines and knickknacks and such. Some other people were in the rooms, too, perhaps some family members.

After a time I moved more toward the end of the house, and then I had to leave. I walked into a small, not very wide room past my mother, who stood in the doorway with her mouth open and a look of alarm on her face. She looked much younger than she does now.

On the other side of the room, near the doorway to the outside, my grandmother sat on a wooden bench in front of an upright piano. Sitting beside her, on the side near the door and away from me, was my mother's sister, who is still alive. My mother's sister is younger than my mother, but in the dream she looked near her present age, though perhaps not quite that old. My mother's sister was fussing at my grandmother, who sat slumped with her head down and her eyes closed.

As I came up to them, I paused and reached out with my left hand and ran my fingers up and down the keyboard on the side facing me, making up a tune as I went. Then I reached down and hugged my grandmother for a time, to try and comfort her. Then I turned to the doorway and walked out.

Outside, a short walk of flat, irregular stone led to the side of another house. I don't remember actually entering the other house, but I was somehow then inside it. It was very dark in the other house, and nobody seemed to be there, though I felt that some people were coming back at some later time.

I was making my way through small rooms mostly hidden in shadow, with a little light coming through the windows, not much brighter than moonlight (and perhaps dimmer), though before I entered the house it had still been daylight. The walls of the rooms were partly illuminated, and I could dimly see the tops of things. The rooms seemed to be at least partly used for storage. I could see a small, shallow dresser against a wall, and nearby there was a folded metal chair resting against a box or boxes. I could just see the top of the folded chair, and I put my hand out and brushed it with my fingers as I went by.

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Blogger lorenzothellama said...

Dear Stephen,
Dreams can be so real. I still dream of my father who died 37 years ago. My mother died last year and I still dream loads about her.
Thanks for all the advice. It was really kind of you to help me. I think I may have a copy of the original llama picture, but I am not very computer literate, so will wait until one of my children have the patience to help me. I hate to admit it, but I don't even know what a C drive is!
I do appreciate the help, and will certainly go back to google, where I got the image in the first place.

See you on wordimperfect!

7:26 AM, August 26, 2007  
Blogger Herdingcats said...

When we ponder the passing of those who bear our history, we realize that all the "stored" information in the backs of their minds is lost forever when they breathe their last. I think that this dream speaks to the isolation and confusion that is the loss of family and personal history with the passing of your Grandma.

What about yourself would you like her to illuminate? What did you never ask her that you are kicking yourself about now? How was your mom more attuned to these truths than her sister (that would explain the youth of her appearance, being on top of things).

6:35 PM, August 26, 2007  
Blogger Stephen said...

Thanks for the comments, lorenzothellama and Herdingcats.

I think the dream may have been more about the sadness of a passing away of happier times and the people associated with them. My mother may have been younger in the dream because that age was closer to those times, though perhaps a little past them. In the dream, she seemed shocked that I was leaving, as I went to my grandmother and then out the door. It could be thought of as an ominous sign, that I went to my grandmother, who was alive in the dream but dead in real life, and then I left the buiding. That may not have been what was meant, though, at least not entirely.

When I went toward the other building, there was initially a sense of purpose. In the other building, though, everyone had left and the things that remained seemed to be mostly packed up in boxes. It felt very sad. I did feel that some people would be coming later, but they may not have been the people who were there before.

There are, of course, many things that a person wishes could have been said or done, when someone passes away, and then it is too late. My mother talked much more with my grandmother than I did. Also, when I talked to my grandmother, I tended to talk of more minor things, more things of the moment than about things of more lasting importance, and I did not talk to her about the things that had happened in her life, at least not usually. I know my grandmother's history much more through what she said to my mother and through what my mother experienced than through what my grandmother said to me.

My mother got along much better with my grandmother than my mother's sister did. The dream provides some evidence of this, but I think the difference in ages in the dream was not related to it. In the dream, my mother was across the room from her sister, and the difference in ages may have been because in the dream they were linked to different times or situations.

2:04 PM, December 10, 2007  

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