Saturday, May 05, 2012

Dream - My mother and grandmother fade out and I realize they are dead, and I look into two mirrors and try to will them to appear

On Friday, March 4, 2011, around 6:30-9:00 AM, I dreamed that I was in a living room somewhere. My grandmother, my mother's mother, was on one couch and my mother was on another. They were in the middle of the room at right angles to each other. I think my grandmother was lying down and my mother was partly lying down. I was leaning some over the back of one of the couches I think, talking to my mother. I think there was a stuffed armchair near me, maybe behind me. We were discussing my grandmother some, among other things.

Then it seemed my grandmother started to fade some, and I came to realize, if I hadn't before, that she was really dead, that she wasn't there, and she came not to be. My mother started to fade some too, her head and shoulders lingering longer, her head turned toward me and looking up at me, a sad and somewhat pleading look on her face, and she faded mostly out then, just a faint shadowy image left, like my grandmother's fainter, mostly gone, shadowy image.

Some other people started to come into the room. I was upset and left, going out into the hall. I seemed to be in something like a hotel. There were two large vertical mirrors on the wall, next to each other, touching. I went toward them and got very close, looking at them, trying to will my mother or grandmother to appear in them. I got so close my head was almost touching them.

Then a door to another apartment opened, maybe six feet to my left, and two or three people came out, at least one of them a child. They looked toward me, puzzled and concerned, and the man asked what I was doing. Two or three other people came out from doors on the other side, also seeming concerned about what I was doing. They were all either relatives of me in some way or were people who knew me at least some, who at least knew who I was. I moved closer to the mirror, touching my bent head to it, resting my head on it, almost trying to hide there, but it didn't work. The people didn't go away, and kept looking at me.

I pulled back from the mirror a little and turned my head to the left a little and said, "I was ... mirror gazing." They looked at me like I was a little crazy, sometimes shaking their heads. They turned away, then, going on about their business, though some of them sometimes turned and looked back at me.

The dream was a lot longer, with more before and after this, but I don't remember it.

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Dream - The road with the big spiral downward, the mysterious building at the bottom and a magical time talking with my mother about what it might be, then at home I am attacked by a rag doll man

While sitting in a chair in the living room, listening to the radio, I fell asleep, probably starting either about a half hour before midnight, Thursday, March 3, 2011, or a half hour after midnight, and ending about 2:30 AM Friday, March 4, 2011. The records I made of it are unclear, giving the time as 12:30 PM-2:30 AM, where either the PM is incorrect or the time associated with it is. Both days and both dates were included, making it seem like it really did start before midnight, though I can't be sure.

The radio, on while I slept, occasionally waking up, was tuned to Coast to Coast AM. The show had a woman science writer from National Geographic on until midnight, talking about the mind, and then after midnight a man talking about Enochian magic.

While asleep, I had a very interesting dream.

I dreamed it was night, at least most of the time, and I was in Arizona, driving, heading for Nevada. Someone was talking about something, from off above somewhere and far away, though I could hear him clearly. It seemed to be about something important, particularly later, about how the world was put together and about magic and how to use it. I got almost to the border, near Hoover Dam, and started going around in the spiral, a much longer spiral than in real life. The road went around and around, getting lower at the same time. Surrounded by trees now, I went around and around in the darkness. The night was cool and the air felt a little moist. At the center of the spiral was a complex of pale buildings in among the trees, kind of a gateway to somewhere it seemed, that people stopped at before going on. It seemed a friendly place, even a fun place, but at the same time it had a mysterious aspect, that something else was going on there too, that it had another purpose, and that some other people were going to come soon that had something to do with that. My brother was there I think, and my mother, and I sometimes talked to them, particularly my mother.

I went back then, with my mother, partway back around the circles, and we were looking back among the trees and talking conspiratorially, about who might be there, and some about the others, where they might be and what they might be doing, and about the mysterious people who were going to come to the building. Then, somehow, I was driving away by myself, going out around the spirals. It's possible she went off into the trees, but I'm not sure now. As I got toward the outer edge the spirals were expanding out and flattening out, and it felt like I was freeing up into an expanding free space, with a sense of freeness, and it felt exhilarating and good, and I tried to recreate it a few times.

Then I was driving back toward home again, by myself. The voice above was still talking, saying things that were relevant to the situation, talking about the spirals and what they meant and other dimensions. It was getting lighter outside. I was trying to figure out where I had been, where it had been located. It seemed it had been somewhere around Hoover Dam, that was the only place I could figure it could be, though it didn't feel quite right, like it didn't really match what I would have expected there.

The land had quickly become more barren, as I got away from the Hoover Dam area, even going through some spirals still, beyond the important concentration of them. The barren ones weren't important, just more land. A few other cars were on the road now.

I got beyond that part, away from that area, and was going straight, across the barren land. The voice was talking again about the spirals and what they meant and other dimensions, and I started going around them again, wherever I was now I guess, but it seemed to be a re-creation of them, for conversation purposes. This time they went up instead of down, out of the straight road, and I saw an outside view of them, from above and the side and far away. Initially they seemed more like dusty spirals, I think, going up into the air, but as time went on that changed. I saw the car, tiny, not much more than a dot, going around a narrow ledge on the side of a flat-topped mountain of reddish rock, with sloping sides, and layers visible in the rock. I frowned, as I looked down at it. It seemed disturbing to have it represented like that.

Then I was home, in the living room, and people were trying to get in the front door, talking to each other, and the deadbolt lock turning. I think I may have tried to turn it back, maybe a few times, but I'm not sure, and if I did I soon abandoned the effort. Out back, the dogs were barking. I went into the bathroom and hid there with the door closed. I could hear them talking to each other, discussing what was there, trying to find something valuable, saying that they had missed the home owner, he was evidently out. It sounded like they wanted him to be home, to tell them where the valuables were.

Then they were gone, and I went to the kitchen, to feed the dogs I think. I was between the refrigerator and the counter, when I saw a man at the back door, outside. I could see him through the window in the door. He was talking to someone, while still mostly turned toward the window, someone to his left that seemed to be off a ways and who I couldn't see. He seemed to be unaware that I was there. It wasn't immediately obvious I suppose, since I wasn't directly before him, but around the corner of the counter. I wondered about him getting inside and then me having to fight him.

Then all of a sudden he was laying on his back on the counter, but it somehow didn't seem to be quite really him, kind of a representation of him, that he projected into the room. It wasn't even a full body, his head and shoulders and part of his body, but his shoulders and the part of his body that was there were much reduced, much narrower than a real body, and sometimes they seemed to be a rag doll with cloth sewed together, sometimes even his head seemed that way. I picked him up, what there was of him, and kept slamming him back on the counter, slamming his head into it, banging his head on the counter over and over, sometimes on the edge of the counter, while he talked to me, sometimes threatening or insolent, and sometimes talking about when his partner would come in, and then I would have trouble. Sometimes when I was banging his head it clearly seemed to be at least partly a rag doll, particularly from the chin and lower, sewed out of white cloth, his head flopping on the thin cloth neck as I banged it.

One time toward the end, I woke up briefly and raised my head up from where I had been, bent way over in the chair, my arms wrapped around me. I was not feeling good, and was somewhat scared because of the dream, and I could see red blotches, even some that were long, in front of my eyes. I wondered if they were real, or I was seeing the blood on the floor from where my ankle had bled months ago, but I could see a place further on that had the dark dried blood. I turned my head and the red blotches seemed to stay there, but I was also keeping my eyes fixed on the same area as I turned my head. I turned toward the light by the couch and the redness seemed to follow, but it was harder to see it in that direction, because of all the things that were there adding to the confusion. Later I looked back where I had been looking before, and most of the redness was gone.

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