Sunday, June 03, 2012

Dream - I almost die and find I can't talk anymore, but when the paramedics come I try to get them to look at my grandmother

On Wednesday, October 27, 2010, around 4:30-7:00 PM, I dreamed of almost dying. After some time spent somewhere doing something, generally associated with my house but sometimes somewhere else, I went to a place that was something like my house and something like my sister's, but much larger than either of them. It was a one story house with huge open rooms, with a railing that enclosed a central area that was apparently a lower part of the house, below ground level. I started talking to my sister, who was at a small glass table, round I think, near the railing, arguing a bit with her. My mother was perhaps ten feet or so off. My sister said something and I said something back, in a low voice, irritated, saying "What do you care what other people think," and then something else attached to it, maybe ten or so words. Then she said something, and I leaned over on the table, my arms and elbows on it, my head low, and was saying, approximately, in a low voice, almost a hiss, "You know, the thing I was saying before, the first part of it, 'What ...'"

I was trying to say "'What do you care what other people think?' was said by Richard Feynman to someone associated with the space shuttle disaster, during the investigation about it," but I found I couldn't. After the "What", which I had difficulty getting out, and trailed off after the "W", into a kind of breathy sound, the following words I couldn't get the consonants out for. I tried to say "do" and some of the other words, but they were all breathy sounds. My mouth was formed to say them, but they just came out as slightly different breathy slow rushes of air. My head was almost on the table. I was trying to explain the problem then too, but still couldn't say anything, just the breathy rushes of air through a mouth that was formed for the words but couldn't say any consonants, or even any vowels really. My sister was staring at me, frowning a little.

Then I was on the floor, slid off the table and slowly settled on the floor, laying there. I got turned over to face up. I may have done it or maybe other people did, I'm not sure. I looked up and saw my sister and some of her friends, bent down a little, staring down at me. Everything had changed to gray, they were dark gray figures on a lighter gray background, still clearly seen though looking 2-dimensional and flat. I reached my arms out straight up into the air, trying to grasp something and somehow pull myself up, though nothing was there, and the arms, pale and gray-colored, stretched out an enormous distance, maybe six feet, fading a little toward the end of them, even becoming a little transparent.

I was picked up and moved to a different room. The rooms were mostly open, though, frequently with room-sized openings between them. I was taken to a couch I think, or maybe a very large soft chair, which was at right angles to a couch where my grandmother lay on her side, facing out, legs bent a little. Behind her on the couch was a huge mound of clothes, along behind her and up beyond her head, loose clothes that were just thrown there, and more over them, it was a huge mound that went up onto the back of the couch, and all along behind her and past her head, occupying the couch area there. As it went along her and beyond her and around the top of her head, it formed a cliff that partly overhung her head and body, and I was worried about her, that it might fall onto her.

I couldn't get it straight in my mind for a while whether she was dead or alive, and after going back and forth in my mind about it I finally decided she was alive, that she had been dead for a while but came back to life, and should have some medical attention. The paramedics had been called for me, and were coming, and I think even arrived at some point, and though they were gathered around me weren't doing much. One or more people were talking on phones, maybe one of them too, though I think my sister was also on her cell phone. I kept trying to tell them about my grandmother, that they should do something because the clothes might fall on her, and also that she should be looked at, have her checked medically, that they should tell the medical people about her, but I couldn't say anything. I finally felt better enough that I was able to move over to her, crawl over from one piece of furniture to another, and partly hold her. I was starting to be able to make more definite sounds now, instead of just breathy noises, but still couldn't form words.

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