Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Dream - I go to work for the last time, then step off into empty space, drifting through the air to the other side

On Friday, June 12, 2009, late in the morning, I dreamed I was taking a shower, in some kind of business area or maybe shopping center. It was in a very large shower stall, probably twice as big as normal, with heavily textured sliding glass doors, I think, very large ones. Other people were around, walking past, this way and that.

My slippers were outside the shower, but after a while I brought them in, I think because I was worried about leaving them out there, but I'm not sure. I was hoping they wouldn't get too wet in the shower, but they ended up getting more wet than I was comfortable with, and dark dirt was washing off them, from the soles I think. I put them back out of the shower, but then changed my mind and brought them back in. I was concerned now about the dirt, that once wet it could be a problem and come off and leave tracks, maybe get on the tops of the slippers too, so it had to be washed off even if they got a little wet. I was tired and sleepy, and everything seemed to be moving slow. It seems I might have even sat down or kneeled at some point, too tired to continue, wanting to rest for a while.

I was sitting down, putting the slippers on, and I still had to finish with my shower, when the shower room shrunk around me, and I became aware I was sitting in a car and had been taking a shower there, inside it. The windows were slightly fogged on the inside and damp, and sometimes seemed much taller and flatter than the windows on a normal car.

I seemed to be parked by the edge of a broad sidewalk that ran along the side of a mall. People were walking back and forth along it, but not great numbers of them. Ahead of me, at the far end where the mall turned a corner and went in front of me, a few more people were walking, and I saw what appeared to be a guard, an overweight person in blue pants and a light blue shirt, with some kind of tag sewed to his shirt. He was frowning in my direction and talking into a little handheld device.

I still hadn't finished my shower. I wanted to finish it, but decided I wouldn't be able to. It was not a good place to be taking a shower, and though most people just walked on by, sometimes looking at me, sometimes not, it seemed I was attracting enough attention to get the guard notified, or at least I assumed that might be the case. I couldn't be sure he was actually talking about me, but I couldn't take the chance that he wasn't. I was somehow now partly dressed though, wearing some odd pants and shirt that I wouldn't normally wear. They seemed soft and almost flannel-like.

Another guard was on the sidewalk not far from me, and seemed to be receiving communications from someone, maybe from the first guard, or it could have been relayed from someone else. I thought it might be about me but I didn't know, and he wasn't paying any attention to me. He was looking in the general direction of the first guard but not at him, more just a general look down the way of the sidewalk.

I got out of the car, which might have been the 1970 Cadillac, though it's hard to be sure, it seemed to have a darker interior and so might have been the 1987 Oldsmobile. I walked down the length of the shopping center toward the first guard, probably walking on the asphalt instead of the sidewalk. I went by him and through glass doors into the shopping center. I think he turned slightly my way, still frowning and talking into his radio, but didn't say anything to me.

Inside, there was a dimly lit room, large and seemingly open at the ends to the shopping center or to other rooms, like it was something set up in the aisle without any walls beyond what were already there. A few people were there at computer workstations on dark table-like surfaces. The computers were dark and oddly shaped, with extensions going up square pillars.

I went to my computer, my workstation, and the table that was my desk. The computer was separated into various odd components, it was made that way. It had a small flat screen mounted on the square pillar, with dark wires going down to odd dark little devices, then to more devices on the table. A few people were passing through the area, in both directions, and a few people were at the computers. It seemed sad and bittersweet. I had come back now, after I'd left, but it was really all over.

I tried to log out, but then I found that the keyboard was separated into several dark rectangular pieces, with a couple of them on the square pillar under the monitor, which was mounted high on it. None of the keyboards had many keys. "Oh, that again," I thought. There didn't seem to be nearly enough keys to do anything useful, and I didn't see how I could log out. It would be bad to leave it that way and have people find it like that in the morning. I looked at it, somewhat amused, and decided to just turn it off. As I reached toward a small dark button toward the upper right corner of a keyboard on the pillar, perhaps the second one away from the screen, I noticed that I had somehow managed to log out anyway. I saw the white letters on the black, DOS-like screen, saying so. I continued to reach for the button anyway, and pushed it with my fingers. I pushed two buttons, actually, as there were two grouped close together, and when I pushed the one I wanted I also partly caught the one beside it to the left. The computer immediately turned off, with maybe a small chirp, and the screen flashed and went dark.

I picked up my giant plastic space shuttle model, that I had in the dream. I didn't want to leave it behind. I wrapped my left arm around it, holding it next to my body, sometimes also holding the end with my right hand. The model was probably about five or six feet long. Some people were coming in for the next shift. I recognized some of them from Nevada. Some of them looked at me a little funny, but they didn't want to really look at me. They knew I was going away and would not be back.

I walked back out through the glass doors and found I was now on a tall concrete platform with a lot of stuff on it, some in big dark boxes. I was on the level of a second story. It seemed to be late afternoon, though earlier it had been more toward the middle of the day, maybe late morning. Water was running off the edge of the concrete platform, just little shallow puddles of it, making tiny streams and drips as it went over. Far below, a middle-aged woman stood a little to my left.

I decided to move to my left and step off and glide down, as I could sometimes do these things, though I was intending this time to somehow just step off and stretch my foot down, not really letting go until I was standing on something. The water increased, and was coming out from more places. A lot was coming out from under the boxes and stuff, so it was hard to see what was happening. There was just a narrow space left open along the front, with occasional breaks in the stacks of boxes and things, and it was hard to find a dry spot to step in. I tried to carefully swing around and move to the left, trying to step in a dry spot, and accidentally splashed some water out over the edge where the woman was. I looked and she had quickly moved off, going under the overhang I think. I wasn't sure if she was hit, she might have been but I hoped not. It couldn't be helped now anyway.

I stretched my right leg out far over the edge, hanging there in space, partly holding onto something, but I was so far out that I essentially made a commitment to it, it was too late to turn back now. I swung my leg slowly around, trying to find someplace to put it, but there was too much water now. Most of the platform had water pooled out on it, running off in shallow little streams and dribbles. I finally swung slowly farther and farther toward the other side of the platform, and went all the way over to the corner, where there were some small dry areas, but was still mostly covered by thin sheets of water slowly dribbling off of wet spots around them. I was probably still standing at least partly in wet areas. From there I looked out again on the sunken broken concrete far below me. It rose away in a very gentle slope to where it became level with the ground. On each side were rough, irregular dirt cliffs with thin, half-dead yellow-green grass and areas of broken concrete.

I swung my leg far out and drifted through the air, going across the open space very slowly, the broken concrete of the ramp passing slowly under me. It seemed like a slow, peaceful process. As I went, I looked for a place to land, finally deciding on the top of the dirt cliff on the far side, about halfway along the ramp. I found my brother there, looking much younger, a few feet from the edge. He seemed to be waiting for me.

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